Jacerlife at cross junction

Whats the meaning of life again. working hard, carve out a name for yourself, leading a team of people, climbing up the corporate ladder or even be your own boss? Root of all the events - Maslow Hierachy - Making money, social needs, being recognised anyd esteem needs, and lastly when u reach the top, self actualisation needs. Having gone through the great times of corporate ladder and understinading how corporate works, it seems that its now to the last stage. I am 43, and i have already seen people leaving this world, trapped in the rat race, many regrets, many wants and many needs. so should i hold on to the things that is necessary but not sure how much is enough, or should i let go and be myself. I do miss the old me who is proud and arrogant, kind of on top of the world though that time i am probably just on top of the rock in a well. 

As we grow older, we grow wiser, we also grow weaker, lots of ambition yet less energy. WE want to provide for the family, we want to lead a good life, but then again, how good is good? some people say time is money, money is important, while some wants more time for family, friends and oneself. So what balance can we strike? 

So what should one do? there is no success formula as we get older. there are a lot more noise instead. meaning, there are so many aspects to be successful. unlike schooling age, having good grades, friends, excel in CCA is good. now, there are minimalism, family oriented, career oriented, kids, wife, car, house, branded, time, hobbies or even health.

I have a loving family, fully paid house, an old car, a job, wont get hungry, wont be considered rich. yet getting by nicely. but then, it still feel empty. what should be done and what else i need to do? there are so many paths, so many cross roads, leading to different outcome. Some people say Walk and see, some say stay put, anyway life is short, some say just be happy, but how? 

A friend passed away at 62, same goes to my Father in law, so time is limited or ample? should i start doing what i want to do which has since diluted to the fact i dont know what i want to do. or should i continue to excel in work just to realise that life is too short to spend on work? or be with family where eventually they grow up and be independent and i am also in same state. 

Probably there is only 1 person left who read this blog, thats my wife. i trying to stay calm all the time, but the quantom randomness is always firing off in me, and many people say i think too much, which i agreed that i did. well probably ignorance is a blessing. now i just reset my course, and start steering towards it. 

Life has ups and downs, and indeed i am glad i am not ditched during my downs. but at some point i do feel tired and lathargic as the goals in life become more and more virtual. the urge and want is vague, just want to lead a simple life yet want to push myself to accomplish more. 

#felonyof life.