Why do humans has unlimited wants? Why baby can be facinated by things dropping down and a light that illuminates while an adult need to have many wants like a house, car, career and many others... why life is being more and more competitive when we grow up?
Taking a step back, years ago, maybe 5 years back, life is just so simple, work as an instructor, earned enough with excess to be with a girlfriend and owns a car. Most importantly lots of free time. Then my parents come up with a resolution. You need to go University. ok so i went.. while maintaining my swimming. So called quite well paid student ever.
Then after graduation, comes with the proposal of marriage. ok i getting married.. starting a family.. then comes another thought from my in-law.. go to work and find a proper job. ok soon enough, someone introduced me a job and i got in.. great company, great colleagues great job scope. very satisfied.. then another thought comes. "Its time for you to get a house, when u getting one, why havent get one, If i know earlier, i will not let my daughter marry you. why you all like to jump step" these statements keep coming.
However, it has not become a must yet till my little princess arrives... The ultimate Push came "If u not going to buy a house, i will bring angela and vionna back" Cool.. i am legally married you know. Then, being well in love and sentimental, a house was purchased within a week. Power right? who can buy house in a week.
Then my hope of things settling down is there, and comes the major downturn in my life. my grandma passed away, my one and only most concern and loved one passed away ( take note, my love for her, way surpassed my parents). i lost my pillar, i at my downhill.
My loss was immediately occupied with job and renovation of the house. so i dont need to think too much.. I trying my best to get away from free time but no one understands... till date i still trying to keep myself occupied.. flashback of her always come back.. and no one knows.
After we move in to the new house, thought everyone can be together, and lived happily ever after.. but i guess that is only Fairy tales.. i want my baby back but she cant come back, i want my baby go yet she cant go there.. so what the fuck!!! And here comes!! when i hope that my baby can stay with me, while at least she knows i am alive, they have reasons and not wish to come and can put the baby with them to take care and when i give in to put the baby there, they also have reasons that they cant take care. and so back to the state where she will come stay with us.. And then the funny thing came.. " I hope to bring her back for 2 days" she said. and i said no.. but eventually becomes yes. since my uncle said so.. haha.. irony.. i never get what i want in life and only if i dont want it, then i cant shake it off.
And when my in law will take care.. condition, angela goes with it. o.. back to the same old saying in paragraph 4. And what is the best part, thought that i have won the heart of someone over including signing a lifetime contract and bought a house, she even if early release, she still prefer to stay at home. not mine. So what is my want? i dont know. what do i need i also dont know.. Who do i have? i dont know too..
If vionna becomes the triumph card over who has the say. .then i lost. coz i dont know how to take care of her, i dont have the time to take of her.. i am constantly threatened because they can take better care of her. so how happy can i be?
In logically sense, after losing a love one is so painful, why dont i try to forget the new one as well. then i may feel better.. The best thing in life is to let go isn't it. Since we don't have in the first place, why so stubborn to want to have it now. and struggle to have it. Am i too stubborn? Or am i too sentimental? OR Am i just stubbornly sentimental? Or is my sentimental is just one of the many wants people wants? haha..
My conclusion, People has many wants, i think i should try to focus on other stuffs..
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