Why do humans has unlimited wants? Why baby can be facinated by things dropping down and a light that illuminates while an adult need to have many wants like a house, car, career and many others... why life is being more and more competitive when we grow up?
Taking a step back, years ago, maybe 5 years back, life is just so simple, work as an instructor, earned enough with excess to be with a girlfriend and owns a car. Most importantly lots of free time. Then my parents come up with a resolution. You need to go University. ok so i went.. while maintaining my swimming. So called quite well paid student ever.
Then after graduation, comes with the proposal of marriage. ok i getting married.. starting a family.. then comes another thought from my in-law.. go to work and find a proper job. ok soon enough, someone introduced me a job and i got in.. great company, great colleagues great job scope. very satisfied.. then another thought comes. "Its time for you to get a house, when u getting one, why havent get one, If i know earlier, i will not let my daughter marry you. why you all like to jump step" these statements keep coming.
However, it has not become a must yet till my little princess arrives... The ultimate Push came "If u not going to buy a house, i will bring angela and vionna back" Cool.. i am legally married you know. Then, being well in love and sentimental, a house was purchased within a week. Power right? who can buy house in a week.
Then my hope of things settling down is there, and comes the major downturn in my life. my grandma passed away, my one and only most concern and loved one passed away ( take note, my love for her, way surpassed my parents). i lost my pillar, i at my downhill.
My loss was immediately occupied with job and renovation of the house. so i dont need to think too much.. I trying my best to get away from free time but no one understands... till date i still trying to keep myself occupied.. flashback of her always come back.. and no one knows.
After we move in to the new house, thought everyone can be together, and lived happily ever after.. but i guess that is only Fairy tales.. i want my baby back but she cant come back, i want my baby go yet she cant go there.. so what the fuck!!! And here comes!! when i hope that my baby can stay with me, while at least she knows i am alive, they have reasons and not wish to come and can put the baby with them to take care and when i give in to put the baby there, they also have reasons that they cant take care. and so back to the state where she will come stay with us.. And then the funny thing came.. " I hope to bring her back for 2 days" she said. and i said no.. but eventually becomes yes. since my uncle said so.. haha.. irony.. i never get what i want in life and only if i dont want it, then i cant shake it off.
And when my in law will take care.. condition, angela goes with it. o.. back to the same old saying in paragraph 4. And what is the best part, thought that i have won the heart of someone over including signing a lifetime contract and bought a house, she even if early release, she still prefer to stay at home. not mine. So what is my want? i dont know. what do i need i also dont know.. Who do i have? i dont know too..
If vionna becomes the triumph card over who has the say. .then i lost. coz i dont know how to take care of her, i dont have the time to take of her.. i am constantly threatened because they can take better care of her. so how happy can i be?
In logically sense, after losing a love one is so painful, why dont i try to forget the new one as well. then i may feel better.. The best thing in life is to let go isn't it. Since we don't have in the first place, why so stubborn to want to have it now. and struggle to have it. Am i too stubborn? Or am i too sentimental? OR Am i just stubbornly sentimental? Or is my sentimental is just one of the many wants people wants? haha..
My conclusion, People has many wants, i think i should try to focus on other stuffs..
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Friday, March 18, 2011
Buying house.
Lifes hard in Singapore or i would say everywhere, unless u are someone with silver spoon. Getting a house seems even harder when the days go by. Yet, there has been constant buzzing from everyone around to ask me to buy house. So what can i do? Am i up to it? With pricing so high, it also dont seems a good choice to get a house.
Still trying to think if i should just get a job or start a business or help my mom? no one can give me an answer. Lately with powerful winds and rains, my legs are giving way. yet no one knows. so i dont know how long i can go on before something big coming. So here comes. Jacer has an unstable income, unstable family to cling to, and everyone expects him to work for practically free of charge. So how? Financial problem, physical and emotional stress. no one knows. even those who really know wont help.. so thats life.
As for the other half. someone who has not shown any capability to look after a house as yet and best still some thing big or i should say small is coming up and more stuff to look after. Then when these things happen, life seems even more bleak. Havent really seen her working out as a housewife and with a job on hand, a baby to handle. will a new household burden can sustain. so tell me what to do?
Still trying to think if i should just get a job or start a business or help my mom? no one can give me an answer. Lately with powerful winds and rains, my legs are giving way. yet no one knows. so i dont know how long i can go on before something big coming. So here comes. Jacer has an unstable income, unstable family to cling to, and everyone expects him to work for practically free of charge. So how? Financial problem, physical and emotional stress. no one knows. even those who really know wont help.. so thats life.
As for the other half. someone who has not shown any capability to look after a house as yet and best still some thing big or i should say small is coming up and more stuff to look after. Then when these things happen, life seems even more bleak. Havent really seen her working out as a housewife and with a job on hand, a baby to handle. will a new household burden can sustain. so tell me what to do?
Saying Sorry...
Do you feel that as we get older, we feel more stubborn and will not say sorry for anything we do. And even if we are in the wrong, as best as possible we will try to let the news past without any actions. Even for family members, when one is wrong, it is still very hard for one to say sorry. WHY??? is it becuase of me or not?
It seems so hard to communicate. It seems so hard to breathe even to see your own father. Just feel like strangers. I seriously dont know if its norm for a family or just my family. Looking at my wife's family, everyone are harmonious, everyone are loving each other, conflicts resolved quickly and no offences. But in mine. Each mistake is death sentence. Or even if you dont do anything wrong you still seems to be in the wrong. So why is that so? why is life so hard?
So the end, we are strangers!
It seems so hard to communicate. It seems so hard to breathe even to see your own father. Just feel like strangers. I seriously dont know if its norm for a family or just my family. Looking at my wife's family, everyone are harmonious, everyone are loving each other, conflicts resolved quickly and no offences. But in mine. Each mistake is death sentence. Or even if you dont do anything wrong you still seems to be in the wrong. So why is that so? why is life so hard?
So the end, we are strangers!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Rather be single!!
Its been 3 months through my marriage with a baby on the way, but i still feel like being single. why? because i still love to sleep in a queen size bed just for myself. Enjoy the tranquility of sleep in the middle of the night and not have spoilt radio playing whole night long. Enjoy being myself and freedom for myself. Maybe the theories behind "Sex and the City" are true not only applies to the westerners but the easterners.
And the angry thing is the little bastard on the way. Everyone seems to be very happy for the baby and gives me tons of stress. Cannot do this cannot do that. Fine. no problem. Then everything start to change. The bastard extinguish all love that suppose to have for couples. That very bastard will haunt you for life. Should have follow the trend and not listen to gov. Shit!
So why dont we say single still better. Just like a gambler. At least you dont have to show hand. you still have chips on your side. still can place bid on other places. And so all casinos will welcome you. Once bankrupt. not only other casinos turn you down, but the one that you only visits turns you down too.
And the angry thing is the little bastard on the way. Everyone seems to be very happy for the baby and gives me tons of stress. Cannot do this cannot do that. Fine. no problem. Then everything start to change. The bastard extinguish all love that suppose to have for couples. That very bastard will haunt you for life. Should have follow the trend and not listen to gov. Shit!
So why dont we say single still better. Just like a gambler. At least you dont have to show hand. you still have chips on your side. still can place bid on other places. And so all casinos will welcome you. Once bankrupt. not only other casinos turn you down, but the one that you only visits turns you down too.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Look further?
Do you set goals and have expectations of yourself? do you look further in the future to see how you should move on? Many people feedback to me that at age of 28, everything seems good for you. You have a car, a wife and a kid coming. You have a flexible job with good income and nothing seems to be needed. But hey, look further, you guys are climbing up, while i am stagnant. You guys have bonus while i have pay cut. You guys report to one boss, everyone seems to be my boss. You all have stable job, while everyday i have to fight to get a stable income.
grass always seem greener on the other side. When u have a job, you feel like doing something else to have more time and money. And if you have time and money, u feel like having a job to be more stable. Life seems to be emcompassed with unwanted wants, creates frustration and problems because of these wants. I wan time, but no money, i wan money but no time. and with time and money, you wan more money. Why more money, because u need bigger house, bigger car, but is it needed?
Life seems more and more bleak for me, with many problems lurking. People ask if you like to continue swimming, some ask if its time to get a pay cut and start from square 1 and get a job. So what should i do? there is no perfect plan or easiest plan. but we are always living with limited resources, be it time or money, it is never enough.
So lets see. remember to view this blog 6 mths from now, so i know if i still the same old me. Or i have really moved on.
grass always seem greener on the other side. When u have a job, you feel like doing something else to have more time and money. And if you have time and money, u feel like having a job to be more stable. Life seems to be emcompassed with unwanted wants, creates frustration and problems because of these wants. I wan time, but no money, i wan money but no time. and with time and money, you wan more money. Why more money, because u need bigger house, bigger car, but is it needed?
Life seems more and more bleak for me, with many problems lurking. People ask if you like to continue swimming, some ask if its time to get a pay cut and start from square 1 and get a job. So what should i do? there is no perfect plan or easiest plan. but we are always living with limited resources, be it time or money, it is never enough.
So lets see. remember to view this blog 6 mths from now, so i know if i still the same old me. Or i have really moved on.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Sudden change
have you ever have a major shift in life? Like getting married and having a baby? Each seems a major milestone in life and really take time to adapt. For me, both came together. Not shot gun marriage but baby after marriage.
However its not that you are not happy, its your family don seems to be happy. My mom rather not to be known of and should be kept a secret. Her mom feels that house prior baby. no house how to have children? no place to hang clothes, no place to put cot etc. but then again, whose house is a 5 room exec mansion with balcony attached. How much do i have, if i earn really a lot, will still be the same old me? if i dont earn alot then how you expect me to get a house? i did try but always come with rejection. So what can i do? Wait... And now such remarks. Side note:"How singapore population boom with all the room rental only in the past?"
Previously I have a house in mind, a 30 yr old house. I loved it. and now that i lost it. i loved it even more. At tat time, all feedbacks came and since is your first purchase i believe feedback are impt. so i regret. Lesson Learned: who care who tell you. as long as its your liking, jus buy, who cares if you cant pay. Someone will be there to pay.
And now comes abt marriage. REMEMBER, don assume. Coz assumption is bad. but clarification is worse. So i assume. Things are fine for the past 7 years. now even the house pad lock has a problem. Remember don assume but don clarify. Great Risk in marriage. haha...The cupboard is a prob, the table is a prob, the bed is a prob. and no sun is a prob. So with all the problems i solve one by one, just to see more coming.
Lesson learned: Solving and giving in is never recognised. Once a boy with one queen bed and a huge cupboard which is always full is now a Man with a small corner with a a quarter of the cupboard. Once a boy who don need to clean anything is now a man who tries to clean everything.
However its not that you are not happy, its your family don seems to be happy. My mom rather not to be known of and should be kept a secret. Her mom feels that house prior baby. no house how to have children? no place to hang clothes, no place to put cot etc. but then again, whose house is a 5 room exec mansion with balcony attached. How much do i have, if i earn really a lot, will still be the same old me? if i dont earn alot then how you expect me to get a house? i did try but always come with rejection. So what can i do? Wait... And now such remarks. Side note:"How singapore population boom with all the room rental only in the past?"
Previously I have a house in mind, a 30 yr old house. I loved it. and now that i lost it. i loved it even more. At tat time, all feedbacks came and since is your first purchase i believe feedback are impt. so i regret. Lesson Learned: who care who tell you. as long as its your liking, jus buy, who cares if you cant pay. Someone will be there to pay.
And now comes abt marriage. REMEMBER, don assume. Coz assumption is bad. but clarification is worse. So i assume. Things are fine for the past 7 years. now even the house pad lock has a problem. Remember don assume but don clarify. Great Risk in marriage. haha...The cupboard is a prob, the table is a prob, the bed is a prob. and no sun is a prob. So with all the problems i solve one by one, just to see more coming.
Lesson learned: Solving and giving in is never recognised. Once a boy with one queen bed and a huge cupboard which is always full is now a Man with a small corner with a a quarter of the cupboard. Once a boy who don need to clean anything is now a man who tries to clean everything.
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